Friday, December 12, 2008

Devastated, Heartbroken, Sad

My heart is completely shattered for the Fox Family. I know that their Princess no longer feels any pain, sorrow, or sadness, but her passing is almost too much to bear. I know that I was nothing more than another user name on Coastie Chicks, but I felt like I was part of the Fox Family every time I saw an update, post, or quick message from Angela.

I cannot imagine anything more heart wrenching than losing a beloved child to this horrible disease - losing a child to anything is awful. Nothing I say or write adequately describes my feelings and emotions right now.

All of my family's thoughts and love go out to the Fox Family. We grieve with you, we support you, and we will continue to comfort you.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

7 days long

Period ended today. The last 4 days had been very light, which is good for me considering how the first few days were and have officially been renamed "The Red Sea" - gross I know, but I cannot think of a more apt title.

Had an adverse reaction to the Caramel Apple creamer last night - made me nauseous, so I will not be putting any of that flavored stuff, not even a hint of it, in my coffee or tea. It was during our driving last night all around Bucks County when it happened and I do not think it was carsickness. It lasted about 20 mins. I really thought I was going to dump (puke). I know how to listen to my body when it tells me it is not happy. Won't be consuming that anymore. I have other pouch-friendly options that taste great!

We've had two gloriously rainy days here!

I cannot wait for Giftmas morning! PIE will be getting everything he wants this year as far as gifts are concerned. The only thing he (and I) will not be getting is our trip to WA for Giftmas to spend with my Mom like we had been planning for the last 8 months. Fortunately, we still have that trip fund to build up even more for next year. I think we'll be taking two trips to WA in 2009 - one for a family reunion and the other for Giftmas/New Year's. YAY! Being frugal and using coupons has saved us over 2K in 2008, which I have been salting away! You have to watch your money wisely no matter what rank you are in the military. In a sense it is a fixed income with the only variable being where you're stationed.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Wow, a bit much ya think?!

Period showed up yesterday (12/5). Today, however, I've bled through a couple times while at work. This hasn't happened in YEARS. The really cool thing is that I seem to be regulated in my cycle without BCP's! Very stoked. Looks to be about 32 days from start to start.

My job is going great. Had a very rocky day last Monday, but the rest of the week went perfectly! I going to buy a small greenhouse with my Giftmas and birthday money. I can't wait to start my veggies and flowers in February/March! Growing our own produce will save us so much money. I'll be able to take the greenhouse with us back to VA in a couple years too.

I read a post tonight on one of my CG spouses discussion forums about why the OP's SIL doesn't like babies. At 2330 that thread was an hour old and not one response. Delicate thread that could turn VERY ugly very quickly. I may respond to it after all. Some people just have an aversion to small babies and children. They don't want any and don't want to be forced to interact with a child on any level. It may also be because a person does not know how to act around babies and small children. Kids may make them uncomfortable. Maybe they don't know what to do with kids? It might be that don't want to be bothered. Truthfully, the only person that knows why they may not like babies is themselves and they don't have to explain why to anyone. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with not liking kids.

Meh, I don't have a problem with kids or babies. I just wasn't wanting to replicate for the last decade. I like being CFBC, but I'm having that bio-clock-ticking-away feeling. I will always be angry that my choice of naturally conceiving was pretty much taken away from me by shitty medical practices. Awful.

I'm assuming that since I have a period and that my cycle seems to be normal that I do in fact ovulate, right? I really need to buy that book everyone keeps telling me about.

I juwst put a dasg=h of Nestle's Coffeemate Caramel Apple flavored coffee creamer in my hot tea. OMDOG, is it yummy! I have to only put in a splash because it does have 5g's of sugar per Tablespoon serving.

Cool news: We have a vacation home now! I cannot wait to start decorating it! I need to go to Joann's and buy some fabrics to make curtains. Going to be so much fun!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Ahhh shoes, Ahhhh clothes

Working at Macy's makes not buying clothes and shoes incredibly HARD! Must resist the temptation to blow my paychecks on clothes and shoes lol.

Due to start my period on the 3rd. Who knows? ;)

Friday, November 28, 2008


Black Friday was good! PIE did my shopping for me while I was at work. We got some great deals on stuff we needed and got our "tree" for this giftmas too. We're doing an artifical tree becuase the livingroom in this house we're renting is small. We don't want to deal with the needles dropping or having to move a heavy live tree around. Much easier going with a fake tree.

On the pregnancy front...

So far everything is normal from the ovulation pains to days counted until I'm supposed to get my next period. I'll be requesting a hormone check in January during my annual exam. Crossing my fingers that levels will be normal. I feel normal - no crazy mood swings or strange symptoms. I have tons of energy and stamina.

I've lost 91lbs and I'm 7 months post op today! The only part of this WLS that sucks is that I'm back to being a size 34B bra. I'm getting boobs in a few years. I want my D's back dammit! I think I'll have a tummy tuck too. I'd love to have a flat tummy for the first time in my life.

Off to bed, gotta be at work at 0630, oy.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Counting, counting

That period lasted a bit longer than I wanted, but the fact that I even had one within a normal time frame is promising. I'm down to 133 as of this morning, so I really think that shedding all of my weight has put my cycle back to pretty normal.

My new full time job has been great! I get to work with some pretty awesome people. They've totally taken me under their wing and teaching me the ropes in a very professional manner while still being fun. I'm loving dressing in nice clothes, putting on some makeup, and doing my hair - makes me feel more grownup. Makes me feel professional. I had the manner, but not the look and now I have both!

I'm not going to stress with charting anything or keeping a written record. If it's going to happen it will and if it does we'll be happy of course. If it never does, then we'll be happy nonetheless.

I will be seeing my new GYN in January after my next appt with my WL surgeon in VA. Maybe we can do some blood work to determine what my hormone levels are. I am really curious to see if they've come back to normal like my other bloodwork has.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Day 5

Day 5 of my period and it's been normal. Should be finished by tomorrow. No icky PMS symptoms, no bloating or cramps. It's weird to not have any of these because even on the pill at various times in my life I've ALWAYS had something. I didn't even have that obligatory day of complete bitchiness and irritation at everything no matter how insignificant. I feel like I've finally taken back control of my body from some unhealthy morbidly obese life-sucking parasite!

Every aspect of my life is progressing perfectly. PIE is much happier these days too! He's done an outstanding job getting healthy and adapting to this new way of eating. I'm so proud of him and his progress!

In three years we have achieved these milestones:

Quit smoking and stay smoke-free
Lost weight - together we've lost 100lbs so far
Improved our way of eating
Started and kept an exercise regimen that we don't get bored with and provides results
Rescued and adopted several animals

I'm very satisfied!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Started the period yesterday during the day - no big deal, but it tells me that my cycle just maybe starting off normal since stopping my BCPs. The count begins to see if I am in fact back to normal.

Second bit of good news...

My tri's are down to 81!!!!!!! I am waaayyy below the top part of the normal range!!!! WWWWOOOHHHOOO!!!!! My thyriod still requires synthroid, BUT everything else is NORMAL!


Today's weigh-in brings me down to 137.5!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Why Hello Dr. T!

My PCM Dr. T, is quite the handsome man. He's young (30's), listens to his patients extremely well, and has a great beside manner. He's just like my PCM in VA - love them both! I get to see Dr. T later this morning to review my blood test results from last week. Just a basic check of lipids, Thyroid stuffs, and some other crap I can't recall.

Hoping that my trigylceride count will have dropped below 199. Still that number is a thousand times better than what it was a year ago.

Ok time for bed. LOL!

Saturday, November 1, 2008


Still no evidence of a period, but that doesn't really mean anything. At least it doesn't with my known history. If nothing shows up by next weekend, I'll take a test and go from there. DO NOT GET YOUR HOPES UP LADIES.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

How does that happen?

Strange no? How does a die-hard CFBC'er do a 180 and want to have a kid? This wasn't some sudden "I need something new, hey honey let's have a kid!" decision. It's the same decision-making process as thinking about getting a puppy or kitten. It takes time, patience, love, money, and sacrifice. A lot of these feelings have to do with my age and hormones.

I'm 32, 33 in just a few months. I have matured and grown in the last 10 years. Some of my views have changed, some haven't. Opinions and views change with more information, education and experiences. That's called being human. Striving to know and learn more is an aspect of someone's personality that shows they are most likely responsible and don't subscribe to one dimensional thinking. I've met so many people that don't want to learn or educate themselves on things that do affect them. They like to be ignorant of facts and information because to them, changing their mind is showing weakness. That couldn't be further from the truth. It's so sad and pitiful.

Frankly, I'm sick of taking BCPs. Because of my huge weight loss, the strength of the YAZ I was on didn't work anymore. I had two periods in one month. Something has changed. Maybe this change is in my favor?

I could never understand why people think that Childfree people hate kids. Granted some are militant, but the majority of Childfree adults are fine about kids, they just don't see the need to add their genetic makeup into the mix. (Then there are some people that just shouldn't have had kids) Apparently, it's such an alien view that something MUST be wrong with the CFBC right? No. And others who think that are ignorant lumps.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Day what?

I'm looking at the calendar yesterday counting, recounting, then counting again because I want to make sure that I am, in fact, on day 29. 9/30 was the first day of my last period and counts as day 1, right? Blah.

I forget what day exactly I stopped taking my BCP, but it was around the first couple days of October. Knowing my reproductive organs, I won't get "fertilized" the natural way. All of this was made possible by a peice of shit NP at Humbay, CA back in 1997. It took her 2 years to finally listen to me. Pretty shitty eh?

More times than not I've gotten grossly shitty care through MTFs. The only exception was at Travis AFB in 1999 at their Infertility clinic where I had my fimbrioplasty. My doctor was Dr. Lovely and she was awesome. The nursing staff was extremely attentive and my recovery was so much easier because of the top quality care I received.

Can I have just one kid. Please? Just one is all I ask for. I know what a big surprise this is to everyone because I was such a die hard CFBCer. Most people's crotchfruit are the epitome of evil because they take after their peice of shit parents. It's ashame really that there is this group of humans (they barely qualify as human) in this world that think of most things as just that - things, possessions, objects and other living things they think don't have thoughts, feelings, or emtions. They pass on this abhorrent way to their offspring and the cycle continues.

Since I'm on day 28 or 29 I guess I'm suppose to get my period again. So far no bleeding and no period symptoms have occurred.

Keep your fingers crossed for my very very excellent friend Roni - she's been TTCing for some months now. May her testing reveal a positive outcome! I love you Roni!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Calendar-ing? Yeah, I made that word up.

Ok so I need to start charting my cycle right? Ok, but first I need to figure out just how long my cycle is and if it is normal. First day of my last period was 9/30 and now I just need to get it again and I'll know how long my cycle is. This will give me the information necessary to figure out just when I ovulate (or supposedly ovulate).


Dude, why the hell is this so damn complicated?! (That was a rhetorical question)

Yeah, don't stress about this. Yeah uh, don't tell me to not stress about this cause it just makes me stressed out more.

84 pound weight loss had better have normalized my cycle. I'm SICK TO DEATH of dealing with abnormal reproductive issues. It's annoying. Annoying like some psycho buzzing about the virtual world spazzing on you when they have no earthly idea about any sort of reality that exists. They're like a little fucking fly that won't stop buzzing in your face until you SMASH it into jelly. Um, tangent.

I'm hooking up with some of my high school friends next month! Excited about that. We're also going to start planning our 15 year reunion come January. Ugh, makes me feel old! But, I guarantee that I'll have the wisest and most mature spouse there.

Side note: This blog will be a toned down compared to my other blog since the nature of this blogs' focus is trying to get knocked up. Some emotion will be prevalent like frustrations of trying to conceive and the vicissitudes of conception. I hope that what I write here may in time help at least one other person, whether they be male or female, with their TTC journey.

Disclaimer: Any comments made that are of a stalking, harassing, violent, threatening, and down right taking advantage of my reproductive complications will be removed. Any comment that I do not like will be erased. Appropriate action will be taken, consequences will be administered, and the perps will not like what comes their way at all. This is your only warning.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Starting Out

A few days ago PIE and I decided to throw out the BC pills and try to get pregnant. Well, me get knocked up lol. With a history of a PID infection that went undiagnosed for nigh on 3 years during my active duty military days, an ectopic pregnancy that took my left tube, and a diagnosis of PCOS in 2006 the chances of me conceiving naturally are pretty slim.

We've decided to take the appropriate vitamins and herbal supplements to increase the likelihood of my ovulation. Stranger things have occurred!

This blog will be a record, pathway, history of my journey towards parenthood. We have chosen to stave off IVF and other fertility drugs for a few years so that nature can have a good chance to do her thing. If that doesn't happen within the next 3 years, then we'll revisit the scientific intervention option.

Stay tuned.....