Monday, October 25, 2010

Over A Year?!

I apologize for letting this blog go so long without a single post. Life has been extremely chaotic with family drama that has resulted in one of my sisters crawling back into the hellhole she so desperately wanted to escape from. Apparently she decided that it was easier to go back to her old life instead of working hard to make her life better. We gave her the opportunity to make that happen with all the support she wanted, but in the end she just does not want to work for anything. I'm very disappointed, sad, and angry that I basically lost her, but I also realize that she is an adult (even at 19 years old) and she can make her own decisions no matter how terrible those choices are. If I had been able to gain custody of her when she was a child, I know she would have become a much better person. I chide myself for not at least trying. Who knows what the future brings, maybe she will want me back in her life. I can only hope she will. I miss her.

My other kid sister (she's 26 ha ha!) will be moving in with us in mid-December! I'm flying to Denver (she lives in Fort Collins, CO) to help her pack up and drive back to Virginia. I'm so excited! We are in the process of painting her room and installing new flooring before she gets here. I haven't seen her in quite a few years, but we have grown much closer over the last 6-7 years. She has accomplished so much: gone back to school, dealing with a boyfriend who has an addiction problem (he has since gone back to Idaho thankfully), and she has become a very responsible woman. She will be here for Giftmas, I can't wait!

In the next few months I will be having a hysterectomy. My periods have been ruling my life and ruining my intimate relationship with my husband. Painful and lasting 3 weeks each month is more than I can take. My marriage is much more important than trying and failing to get pregnant. It is a finality that has been a long time coming. Fifteen years to be exact. My Mom (bless her heart) offered to give us money to go IVF, but we don't want to go through this type of grueling procedure. Erik and I do not want to be raising a child into our post-CG years because he would be nearly 70 by the time a child of ours would go off to college. It might be selfish of us, but we have so many things we want to do in our lives that a having a child would not be possible. We just don't have the drive to be parents.

Our mindset was that if happened, great, but if it didn't happen for us that's is great as well. We will always have the option to adopt and they are so many children in the system that need a loving and safe home. I would rather help those children.

We have a great life and it will only get better as the years go by. My love for Erik runs so deep, deeper than the Marianas Trench or the great canyon on Mars. I will go to any length to keep him happy, even if it meant giving up my life. I know he feels the same. He shows it everyday.

So that's the big news here. The holidays are upon us! I hope each and every one of you have an excellent holiday season!


Amber said...

In whatever capacity, you are parenting right now, Julez. You are helping with your sisters, offering support and unconditional love (even when you KNOW it's going to bite you in the butt). That's what parents do - even though they aren't your offspring. Not to mention the furbabies you help, and the random "nieces" and "nephews" you have all over the country. ;)

I am so glad that you have Erik and such strong love for each other. I'm thankful the docs are on track helping you out with things.

Jennifer said...

What a great post. I think whatever you two choose to do, will be right for you!

Many happy wishes for continued bliss in your marriage.

Jeanine said...

Awesome post...loved it!

The Chicken Lady said...

Hey chick. Just came by to check any updates. Not what I wanted to hear, but big giant hugs to you as you go through surgery and getting on with life. Things always work out when you have someone to love next to you and you guys seem to be pretty fierce about your marriage. :) You don't need anyone to tell you, but you're gonna be fine. Better than fine...GREAT! :)
Good luck on your trip to get your sis. Glad one of them is doing fine and I will be thinking about your littlest. It totally sucks watching someone you love go through being stupid, but I hope she will someday figure it out and come home! :)